I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
