i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
