Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
