I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i drank out of a bidet.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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