Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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