fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
