How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
