we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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