he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
