Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
