I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
