Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
