I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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