i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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