I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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