so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
