mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
