I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
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He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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