You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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