I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
honey bunches of taint.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
