Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
