he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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