my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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