the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
