i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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