Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
