Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Pooping to opera.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
