I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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