I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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