Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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