It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
