You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
