I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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