i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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