dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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