If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
