Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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