i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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