you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Never joke about your clitoris.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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