I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
