I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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