Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
