I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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