Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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