I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think your dad took our porno
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
