I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
