I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
