I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
