The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
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Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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