Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize