Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
