I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
