Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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