bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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