Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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