Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
