i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
