By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
