just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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