I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
