Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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