he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
