She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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