dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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