so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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