Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
