we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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