You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
