singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
