what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
