So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
