Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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