I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
