She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
