Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
