my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
